I haven’t been writing here very often as my life has been chaotic and every post I’ve started for this blog has been too ranty and I really want them to be focused. However I feel revitalized in my ability to make sense without writing 10 pages worth of material so I expect I’ll be updating on a regular basis again.
Until my next post - here is a fun link for ya’ll femme lovers! Pictures of and by Lisa Hurlen :)
I really like this…bathing suit? Leotard? Either/or. I like sparkles.
So far, the most upsetting moment of my week.
Femme Rage - Posted by Mona_Aamons on /r/actuallesbians
(click for higher res)
Awesome! I made a rage comic similar to this (subject wise) once but never posted it because I didn’t feel like having to defend myself at the time. So cheers to her for actually doing it!
My response to this situation, if the said other girl is interesting to me, is just to be cocky and challenging. Usually a casual mention of some kind of expert skills regarding bedroom activity, or how I’m so good at “turning,” straight girls gay and she’s not a challenge to me (in a funny sarcastic tone).
Galaxy leggings!
You can get them from Black Milk Clothing. They are not cheap. I love them. Do want.
All pictures via http://www.blackmilkclothing.com/
NOW I know what we were missing. mmmm.
Love letter to femmes by Ivan Elizabeth Coyte
I myself, am not romantically interested in butch women, however I love them as my sisters, brothers, or other non gender conforming descriptions they prefer. This video is amazing and it’s over a year old. I can’t believe I’m just now stumbling upon it. :*)
:)
Nifty
This^. Right here. Read it. Process it.
This is a very STRONG problem with Femme dynamics. Regardless of when we came out, how long it’s been, or where our lives are at the moment —- it is an issue. Why? Because, aside from it being force fed by people that want to turn us “straight,” we hear it, see it, and experience it when being hit on by guys we have no interest in. Then suddenly, we find ourselves wondering why it’s so hard to talk to girls! But it really isn’t. If you’re at a gay bar, or event —-do yourself a favor. Just go ahead and assume that everyone is gay. Cut out that part of your brain telling you that it’s such a “bad” thing for you to hit on a girl that might not be interested in you.
THIS SITUATION DOES NOT APPLY TO US! If we, as Femmes, are into OTHER Femmes, there’s just very few ways to establish a social “dominant.” We’ve just got to take the risk. The girl sipping on the drink by herself at the bar? She’s waiting for you to talk to her. Are you that girl? Don’t stare at your drink. Look around the room. Smile! :) Make yourself approachable. Dive into someone else’s conversation. Ask around to other types of girls (ie: andro, butch, etc) if they know any single Femmes they can hook you up with!
Just remember. There is no “boy” in our situation. We have to take a deep breath and speak the first words sometimes. The worst thing that can usually happen is they walk away or are just really shy. Don’t forget to brush up on jokes. Not cheesy pickup lines, but actual funny things that will make someone crack a smile without making you seem like a perv or desperate!
Speak! Bat your lashes! If you think “ugh, it’s so much easier to flirt with boys,” well duh. They pose no risk! Think of yourself as an actress if you must. Get outside that shell. Even if you’re shy, and find another shy person, you can both leave together and talk about how shy you felt when you were in the previous place!
![Age Really Is Just a Number.
Especially being gay or otherwise non typically “straight” or “conservative” aligned. I think we get an extra bonus on that. We’re more able to be “ourselves” and explore in between the walls of social construction. I’ve known women in their 40’s dating girls in their 20’s and all sorts of age differentiated pairs. In my lifetime, Generation X started it, and Y has followed suit, in making it okay to “act younger” or socially accept things that are associated with youth (ie: watching “cartoons” shopping in the juniors section when you aren’t a teen anymore, having 2 kids but still loving video games, etc.) It’s odd how all some want their early teens, is to be an “adult” in their 20’s or 30’s, having all the privilege and freedom. Sadly It seems that’s not really the way things go, so I hear. Luckily though our culture these days is a lot more allowing (socially) of still being a “kid.” Not even to point out that I see girls in their 30’s pushing strollers through Forever 21 and other mall stores typically associated with teens. Even my grandma, in her last year (in her 80’s) often talked about how she liked to dress the way she did in her early 20’s. And she did! Not in a promiscuous way, but the same styles just slightly looser and more fitting for her.
Ever notice that Prince Phillip is somewhere around 21 and Princess Aurora is 16? Though, imo, they are both portrayed like characters in their late 20’s (by 1950’s generic standards.)
Age is a weird thing.
But is it really *that* important? Sure there are certain markers within “legal” standards that seem to make it that way. But what about the whole, a soldier can be 18, but still not drink until 21? Huh? What about the 16 year old that is more than able to reproduce, but unable to vote on whether or not the choice to keep her baby should be hers or not?
What about that head rush of a trip from 18-21. 3 years? Really? Wow. Okay everything is supposed to be all good and okay once that milestone is achieved right? Perhaps, for some. But for some people, they turn 40 and realize they are still young and have so much to do. Sure there may be more responsibilities, but who is to say they can’t do the things that make them happy? I mean, we aren’t all 6’ tall models right? And what if we were? Maybe we’d all want to be 5’5 girls with curves and soft shoulders.
In the past, it was an entirely different scenario, but then and now, even with doing all those things (marriage, kids, etc) you’re still young. The crucial thing is
“Being Young” is a mindset. You can be who, or however you want, pending your own responsibilities, regardless of your given birth date.
Here are a few scenarios.
[1] A girl get’s pregnant at 16, marries her boyfriend (the father) before she’s even 18, and starts a family. She’s still young, but has a lot of responsibility.
Typically, somewhere in the 20’s is where this starts to become more and more of a thing. Suddenly people reach out to others they haven’t seen in years for a wedding invite, or to add on facebook so they can show off their new baby. Yes age is a factor in some things (ie being able to carry to full term if someone is at risk of age working against their body, etc,) but there are SOOOOOO many options out there that enable us to get around this archaic “mindset” of “age” and what’s “expected, or “appropriate” for a certain age. Yes not having a job sucks. Yes it DOES feel like a let down, but it’s okay. Keep yourself afloat and just hold out, it WILL happen and you may or may not realize “man all that time I didn’t have a job I had SOOO much time to do things I can’t now that I’m working all the time. lol, why didn’t I do that stuff? Oh well, might as well start a family.
[2] A girl get’s pregnant or adopts at 30. She has a longtime girl/boyfriend - husband/wife. She’s decided to start a family. Good for her. She is still young.
I hear a lot of people say “Gosh we’re getting old.” Well ya know what? That’s fine if you have kids and want to be in bed by 9PM and don’t really go out that much anymore. Different strokes for different folks. Me though? I dance all the time, can do a perfect back hand spring, jump around like a hyper kid, and even if I have to be up early, rarely get to bed at a “decent” hour.
[3] A Woman waits until her mid 40’s or 50’s to get married. Maybe she was gay and it took her a while to deal with it and she finally met the woman of her dreams at her “25 years” High School reunion. Maybe she was stuck in a long horrible relationship with a man and her only way to lock in a way out eventually was to not provide children. Perhaps she has medical issues and couldn’t have children. So this woman in her mid 40’s adopts a child and starts a family and perhaps gets married. She’s still young.
GRANTED! Kids DO and WILL wear a person/family out, and their schedule and ability to do things with less regard is considerably limited, they are still young.It’s a matter of how they sculpt their way they life.
If you are wondering “So what is old then?” Honestly, my answer is, you’re only old if you’re not breathing anymore. True story.
My grandmother died at 89. That’s a LOT of life full of being the confident strong woman she was. I can multiply my life a few times and it’s still less than hers. Life IS short, but worrying about meeting someone else’s expectations for where you should be at your “age,” is a small worry in the grand scheme of things.
There’s a lot more about “age”in upcoming posts.
3 Photos via - http://www.spoki.lv/stilsmode/my-dreams-come-true-aww/263137
Aurora photo via- http://www.topcartoonimage.com/](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lstxn08pzB1r1qvhjo1_500.jpg)
Age Really Is Just a Number.
Especially being gay or otherwise non typically “straight” or “conservative” aligned. I think we get an extra bonus on that. We’re more able to be “ourselves” and explore in between the walls of social construction. I’ve known women in their 40’s dating girls in their 20’s and all sorts of age differentiated pairs. In my lifetime, Generation X started it, and Y has followed suit, in making it okay to “act younger” or socially accept things that are associated with youth (ie: watching “cartoons” shopping in the juniors section when you aren’t a teen anymore, having 2 kids but still loving video games, etc.) It’s odd how all some want their early teens, is to be an “adult” in their 20’s or 30’s, having all the privilege and freedom. Sadly It seems that’s not really the way things go, so I hear. Luckily though our culture these days is a lot more allowing (socially) of still being a “kid.” Not even to point out that I see girls in their 30’s pushing strollers through Forever 21 and other mall stores typically associated with teens. Even my grandma, in her last year (in her 80’s) often talked about how she liked to dress the way she did in her early 20’s. And she did! Not in a promiscuous way, but the same styles just slightly looser and more fitting for her.
Ever notice that Prince Phillip is somewhere around 21 and Princess Aurora is 16? Though, imo, they are both portrayed like characters in their late 20’s (by 1950’s generic standards.)
Age is a weird thing.
But is it really *that* important? Sure there are certain markers within “legal” standards that seem to make it that way. But what about the whole, a soldier can be 18, but still not drink until 21? Huh? What about the 16 year old that is more than able to reproduce, but unable to vote on whether or not the choice to keep her baby should be hers or not?
What about that head rush of a trip from 18-21. 3 years? Really? Wow. Okay everything is supposed to be all good and okay once that milestone is achieved right? Perhaps, for some. But for some people, they turn 40 and realize they are still young and have so much to do. Sure there may be more responsibilities, but who is to say they can’t do the things that make them happy? I mean, we aren’t all 6’ tall models right? And what if we were? Maybe we’d all want to be 5’5 girls with curves and soft shoulders.
In the past, it was an entirely different scenario, but then and now, even with doing all those things (marriage, kids, etc) you’re still young. The crucial thing is
“Being Young” is a mindset. You can be who, or however you want, pending your own responsibilities, regardless of your given birth date.
Here are a few scenarios.
[1] A girl get’s pregnant at 16, marries her boyfriend (the father) before she’s even 18, and starts a family. She’s still young, but has a lot of responsibility.
Typically, somewhere in the 20’s is where this starts to become more and more of a thing. Suddenly people reach out to others they haven’t seen in years for a wedding invite, or to add on facebook so they can show off their new baby. Yes age is a factor in some things (ie being able to carry to full term if someone is at risk of age working against their body, etc,) but there are SOOOOOO many options out there that enable us to get around this archaic “mindset” of “age” and what’s “expected, or “appropriate” for a certain age. Yes not having a job sucks. Yes it DOES feel like a let down, but it’s okay. Keep yourself afloat and just hold out, it WILL happen and you may or may not realize “man all that time I didn’t have a job I had SOOO much time to do things I can’t now that I’m working all the time. lol, why didn’t I do that stuff? Oh well, might as well start a family.
[2] A girl get’s pregnant or adopts at 30. She has a longtime girl/boyfriend - husband/wife. She’s decided to start a family. Good for her. She is still young.
I hear a lot of people say “Gosh we’re getting old.” Well ya know what? That’s fine if you have kids and want to be in bed by 9PM and don’t really go out that much anymore. Different strokes for different folks. Me though? I dance all the time, can do a perfect back hand spring, jump around like a hyper kid, and even if I have to be up early, rarely get to bed at a “decent” hour.
[3] A Woman waits until her mid 40’s or 50’s to get married. Maybe she was gay and it took her a while to deal with it and she finally met the woman of her dreams at her “25 years” High School reunion. Maybe she was stuck in a long horrible relationship with a man and her only way to lock in a way out eventually was to not provide children. Perhaps she has medical issues and couldn’t have children. So this woman in her mid 40’s adopts a child and starts a family and perhaps gets married. She’s still young.
GRANTED! Kids DO and WILL wear a person/family out, and their schedule and ability to do things with less regard is considerably limited, they are still young.It’s a matter of how they sculpt their way they life.
If you are wondering “So what is old then?” Honestly, my answer is, you’re only old if you’re not breathing anymore. True story.
My grandmother died at 89. That’s a LOT of life full of being the confident strong woman she was. I can multiply my life a few times and it’s still less than hers. Life IS short, but worrying about meeting someone else’s expectations for where you should be at your “age,” is a small worry in the grand scheme of things.
There’s a lot more about “age”in upcoming posts.
3 Photos via - http://www.spoki.lv/stilsmode/my-dreams-come-true-aww/263137
Aurora photo via- http://www.topcartoonimage.com/
Photo by Abbey Drucker
Femme / Femme Crushes
That locker room situation, being on the swim team, Cheerleading practice, or even a sleepover. How about helping that poor drunk girl all by herself at the bar, holding her hair as she expels cheap beer, bringing her toilet paper, or even the “check out my new nipple ring,” or “I just got a boob job!” girl in the same bathroom. These are all times in which we gayelles (thx Krista) might find ourselves with an over active mind. That “pedal to the metal,” feeling of “so hot, so hot, don’t stare, don’t be weird, it’s just another girl, you can do this.”
These are times that can be trying for us Femmes. On the one hand, we like our platonic girlfriends. Grabbing coffee, going shopping, late night phone crying sessions, and someone that understands what it’s like to physically and mentally be a girl. It’s totally easy to have a hot, extremely sexy, dreamy, perfect platonic girlfriend right? Right? Oh god .What is that? Are those feelings? No, not for her. No, no. We’ve known each other since freshman year I can’t do this with her. No, go away feelings. Please. Oh…oh no. Crap. She’s just so…perfect. Like she’s floating on clouds when she walks. And her hair, oh god, her hair! It’s so soft. When she hugs me it feels so nice and warm, and I’m just so…happy. I could almost…no….don’t say it. KISS HER! No! But she’s not gay! I am, and she knows, but that makes her off limits but, ah. Too late. We’re in Defcon 5 – crush zone. I’ll up it to the just now made up Defcon 6 if she is actually gay.
It’s alright though, yeah? We’re used to this. We can give honest opinions on these other girls and not be somewhat biased by our crush, or, you know…lust. “Your hair is fine! Don’t worry about it! You always look gorgeous!” Heh. Yeah, of course she does when you’re picturing her smiling at you in bed after an all-night romping.
So what’s the solution?
Note: This “advice” is for those that want to be proactive about their situation. Ie: Do somethign about it regardless of whether something good or bad comes from it. You have to have reached the point of boiling over and not being able to stand it anymore for this to apply to you. Also please note if possible, these things should be done IN PERSON and not via text or social networks.
Feel out the situation. You know her. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe she is only that locker room girl. Well, this COULD work. Quick, go read up on some jokes, current events, and the latest fashion trends. Okay, good. Now—-
If she is an acquaintance or someone you’ve never even talked to: Tell a joke. Talk about something topical. Loosen her up. Awesome. Ask her to hang out with you this weekend. PRO TIP! Please, do not do a movie date. Those are the worst. Go somewhere fun, somewhere you can talk. Go shopping if need be! Casually slip in something in conversation about gender or sexual preferences without being too obvious about it. Gauge her reaction well. If she says she’s bi or super bonus, actually gay, then you, my girl, need to step up the romance and do everything you can to be funny. Girls like funny. Just don’t be awkward if she doesn’t laugh. She may just not get the joke. Seriously. I cannot explain how much funny is a winner.
If she is your friend: Tell her. Don’t pour out your heart. Just tell her your most basic feelings. “I like you as more than a friend.” You’re not going to do anything but be a doormat until you at least get it out of the way. Things may be a little weird if you get rejected, but if she’s truly your friend, it will be alright. If she’s mean about it? You didn’t need her in your life anyway. Every situation is different, but if you get her to open up a little and things become a possibility, go with it. If she admits that she’s been crushing on you as well, then you may—-now—-pour out your feelings. Just try not to sound obsessed. As flattering as it can be, you don’t want to do that to yourself, trust me.
If she’s gay, and unsure how to feel, kiss her. If she’s straight and unsure how to feel, kiss her. Again, feel out the situation.
If all of this seems like too much: Find another girl to fixate on. Once everything is all good and you’re somewhat over your friend, you’ll feel better. You may even tell her in passing that you used to have a crush on her! Oh how funny that was.
The worst thing to do in this situation is tell everyone else you know, except her. She’ll find out and she’ll be pissed she was the last one to know. Bad plan.
If she’s terribly “straight” (no one really is): Give her a present. Bake her some cookies, buy her some nice makeup or something. Give her an extra long hug and tell her how much she means to you. If you both start getting all emo, this is a good time to let her know how you really feel. Even if you get rejected, her guard is going to be down and you’ll have a better chance at getting her real less judgmental reaction. We girls put a lot of walls up around us for various reasons. Finding the right moments to get them out of the way is crucial to any crush confessing.
If nothing else, know that you are not alone. We all feel this from time to time. Sometimes we even mix up romantic feelings for friend feelings. It’s okay. Write out what you want to say first if you need to. Read it out loud. Have a 3rd party read it (ie: someone out of your loop of friends that isn’t going to blab about it.) Think about how you feel. Are your feelings really that strong? Is it just your hormones? Do you feel better and less worried about it after writing about it? If so, maybe it really was no big deal. However, if you still have that uncontrollable urge to do something about it, by all means do. Heartbreak sucks, but you’re going to have a hard time getting your heart broken, or finding someone to share it with if you never do anything about your feelings.
If you are in a situation where you feel like it may pose a risk to your well being and physical existence on this earth (ie: you live in an extremely homophobic hateful area) then please seek a counselor or other ally that can help you express yourself in a safe manner. Never be afraid to get a second, third, or tenth opinion if everyone keeps telling you to bottle it up. There’s a way—-somehow.
Photo from this article: http://www.vman.com/articles/sweethearts-of-the-sunshine-state/
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