Photo by Abbey Drucker
Femme / Femme Crushes
That locker room situation, being on the swim team, Cheerleading practice, or even a sleepover. How about helping that poor drunk girl all by herself at the bar, holding her hair as she expels cheap beer, bringing her toilet paper, or even the “check out my new nipple ring,” or “I just got a boob job!” girl in the same bathroom. These are all times in which we gayelles (thx Krista) might find ourselves with an over active mind. That “pedal to the metal,” feeling of “so hot, so hot, don’t stare, don’t be weird, it’s just another girl, you can do this.”
These are times that can be trying for us Femmes. On the one hand, we like our platonic girlfriends. Grabbing coffee, going shopping, late night phone crying sessions, and someone that understands what it’s like to physically and mentally be a girl. It’s totally easy to have a hot, extremely sexy, dreamy, perfect platonic girlfriend right? Right? Oh god .What is that? Are those feelings? No, not for her. No, no. We’ve known each other since freshman year I can’t do this with her. No, go away feelings. Please. Oh…oh no. Crap. She’s just so…perfect. Like she’s floating on clouds when she walks. And her hair, oh god, her hair! It’s so soft. When she hugs me it feels so nice and warm, and I’m just so…happy. I could almost…no….don’t say it. KISS HER! No! But she’s not gay! I am, and she knows, but that makes her off limits but, ah. Too late. We’re in Defcon 5 – crush zone. I’ll up it to the just now made up Defcon 6 if she is actually gay.
It’s alright though, yeah? We’re used to this. We can give honest opinions on these other girls and not be somewhat biased by our crush, or, you know…lust. “Your hair is fine! Don’t worry about it! You always look gorgeous!” Heh. Yeah, of course she does when you’re picturing her smiling at you in bed after an all-night romping.
So what’s the solution?
Note: This “advice” is for those that want to be proactive about their situation. Ie: Do somethign about it regardless of whether something good or bad comes from it. You have to have reached the point of boiling over and not being able to stand it anymore for this to apply to you. Also please note if possible, these things should be done IN PERSON and not via text or social networks.
Feel out the situation. You know her. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe she is only that locker room girl. Well, this COULD work. Quick, go read up on some jokes, current events, and the latest fashion trends. Okay, good. Now—-
If she is an acquaintance or someone you’ve never even talked to: Tell a joke. Talk about something topical. Loosen her up. Awesome. Ask her to hang out with you this weekend. PRO TIP! Please, do not do a movie date. Those are the worst. Go somewhere fun, somewhere you can talk. Go shopping if need be! Casually slip in something in conversation about gender or sexual preferences without being too obvious about it. Gauge her reaction well. If she says she’s bi or super bonus, actually gay, then you, my girl, need to step up the romance and do everything you can to be funny. Girls like funny. Just don’t be awkward if she doesn’t laugh. She may just not get the joke. Seriously. I cannot explain how much funny is a winner.
If she is your friend: Tell her. Don’t pour out your heart. Just tell her your most basic feelings. “I like you as more than a friend.” You’re not going to do anything but be a doormat until you at least get it out of the way. Things may be a little weird if you get rejected, but if she’s truly your friend, it will be alright. If she’s mean about it? You didn’t need her in your life anyway. Every situation is different, but if you get her to open up a little and things become a possibility, go with it. If she admits that she’s been crushing on you as well, then you may—-now—-pour out your feelings. Just try not to sound obsessed. As flattering as it can be, you don’t want to do that to yourself, trust me.
If she’s gay, and unsure how to feel, kiss her. If she’s straight and unsure how to feel, kiss her. Again, feel out the situation.
If all of this seems like too much: Find another girl to fixate on. Once everything is all good and you’re somewhat over your friend, you’ll feel better. You may even tell her in passing that you used to have a crush on her! Oh how funny that was.
The worst thing to do in this situation is tell everyone else you know, except her. She’ll find out and she’ll be pissed she was the last one to know. Bad plan.
If she’s terribly “straight” (no one really is): Give her a present. Bake her some cookies, buy her some nice makeup or something. Give her an extra long hug and tell her how much she means to you. If you both start getting all emo, this is a good time to let her know how you really feel. Even if you get rejected, her guard is going to be down and you’ll have a better chance at getting her real less judgmental reaction. We girls put a lot of walls up around us for various reasons. Finding the right moments to get them out of the way is crucial to any crush confessing.
If nothing else, know that you are not alone. We all feel this from time to time. Sometimes we even mix up romantic feelings for friend feelings. It’s okay. Write out what you want to say first if you need to. Read it out loud. Have a 3rd party read it (ie: someone out of your loop of friends that isn’t going to blab about it.) Think about how you feel. Are your feelings really that strong? Is it just your hormones? Do you feel better and less worried about it after writing about it? If so, maybe it really was no big deal. However, if you still have that uncontrollable urge to do something about it, by all means do. Heartbreak sucks, but you’re going to have a hard time getting your heart broken, or finding someone to share it with if you never do anything about your feelings.
If you are in a situation where you feel like it may pose a risk to your well being and physical existence on this earth (ie: you live in an extremely homophobic hateful area) then please seek a counselor or other ally that can help you express yourself in a safe manner. Never be afraid to get a second, third, or tenth opinion if everyone keeps telling you to bottle it up. There’s a way—-somehow.
Photo from this article: http://www.vman.com/articles/sweethearts-of-the-sunshine-state/